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Having not gotten over certain matters, I’m not in the mood to travel. However, the fact that a good part of my travel expenses are paid for has further entrenched my mentality that I should take the chance to travel extensively. It’s an imposed holiday.
Well anyway… Lisbon, Madrid and Barcelona, here I come.
This is an excerpt From the essay “Aunties and Uncles and Me” by Neil Humphreys in the book “Singaporeans Exposed”:
“And that is the trouble with taking such pride in one’s belief system. It can become too focused; too tunnel visioned and its arrogance will eventually prevent it from considering alternatives. Take the role of the family for instance. Nowhere in the world have I come across a society that puts such store in building a watertight family unit like Singapore does. Nothing fills a Singaporean parent with greater pride than watching his or her child graduate, before finding a partner and finally providing grandchildren. Indeed this could be said for parents worldwide. But in Singapore I can’t help feeling that the traditional belief in the family unit borders on the obsessive. And any potential threat to it is not tolerated.”
This excerpt from the essay collection reminds me of a familiar question asked at extended family gatherings here, during the Lunar New Year, for example. Well-meaning “aunties” would typically ask the unmarried ones about their relationship status, the married ones but childless ones if they are planning for kids, and mothers and fathers about their child’s education. These topics are typical, and potentially awkward amongst relatives who meet only once a year.
Are people from my generation, the twenty somethings, just as obsessed? I suspect not, but I’m sure the infrequent but obligatory family gatherings do put some pressure on us. Our parents are eager to compare us with their friends’ kids, like they did when we were schooling, except that it’s not about exams and grades but jobs, relationship status and the marriage dates. Naturally, this rubs off us, and we in turn ask our friends and colleagues the same questions at meals, meet-ups and reunions. Like author had wrote, the same can be said for twenty-somethings worldwide. But back here, I can’t help feeling that we’re all pressured into living out the same scripts.
The plan is familiar and I’ve heard it articulated implicitly or explicitly over the years — find a companion before graduating from the varsities, work, get married at 25-35, apply for public housing (aka HDB flats in local lingo), and move out from the parents’ home. To many of us, this is the vision of the ideal adult life we have been induced to believe in since when we were young. Today, one-by-one, we see our friends and former classmates settle into this state of being. We cheer and send them our congratulations at their weddings and when they give birth to their newborns. To many of us, we don’t see alternatives. The social pressure can be a source of insecurity for those of us who don’t necessarily subscribe to this world-view or fall away from the time-norm. This group bear the unfortunate stigma of being a form of social “underclass”, even when they are in no ways financially underprivileged.
I didn’t feel it as much as when I was in the States. Things were different then, because I was amongst fellow college students who had very different life priorities. Amongst friends there, I had never felt that there was any well-articulated norm we should live out. I liked the fact that even when we don’t necessarily agree in our values, we just got along out of respect for each other’s opinions. Perhaps the more diverse ethnic mix prevented the evolution of a dominant value system.
Are those who don’t trod down the prescribed path quite disadvantaged? I think not. Many of those I know have quite decent jobs and salaries. If there’s anything we could wish for, it would be for our families and friends to refrain from subtly imposing their visions of the blissful life on us. We should lead our lives at our own paces.
I’m not a professional musician, neither am I an amateur who sounds very decent. Half a lifetime ago, I could never have imagined that I would voluntarily play in an amateur musical outfit in my working life. Then, I was “forced” to learn an instrument because school policy dictated that everyone had to be involved in an activity. I remember the initial regret of not choosing what I thought I wanted join, which was the school choir. My gut choice was probably formed by a mix of perceived prestige and misconceptions. Anyway, all that is history.
I can’t put the concert experience to word yet, but it’s just awesome playing with people and creating music. It could very well be school-day nostalgia, but I don’t think that can explain my desire to go back on stage again.
My musical routine didn’t satisfy me anymore when I realized that what I play will be heard only by my family and my neighbors. How ever well I play, my audience will remain constant in numbers. The whole ritual began to seem rather pointless.
I don’t think many of us can remain in that phase and stay motivated simultaneously. There are several way out of the quandary. Some of us opt to take graded musical exams; some will give up on their instrument entirely; some will play so well that they get ample opportunities to perform regularly. I chose to play with an amateur group.
My recent involvement has satisfied me for a while. Notes from the concert still linger in my mind as I type. I won’t forget the experience of playing in an orchestra for a long time.
Is it a good sign when, every few days, you feel like you want to quit your current job?
My bosses don’t give me much trouble and my co-workers are fairly easy to work with. I never had to work overtime and the pay is pretty good for a starter position. I also get ample opportunities to travel abroad for conferences. Things seem rosy on the surface.
Today was one of those days when the world grew silent and I retreated into my introspective shell. I was peeved at how my math major co-worker wrote what seemed like needless abstraction in our joint paper, turning what I understood quite intuitively into mathematical goobledygook. I was frustrated again with my boss’ inability to teach concepts in clear, grammatical English. I’m displeased with the self-serving work my lab is doing, which seems to me unnecessary, inconsequential and mundane. I began to see truth in what some people outside the lab has been saying about us. I’m disappointed with the weak leadership and the lack of breadth and depth in my superiors’ perspective on staff development. I’m worried about my future prospects in the lab. I’m not sure if I’m doing a good job or not and I’m a little disheartened by the rewards I’m getting. I’m wondering if I compromised a large part of my soul by choosing to work in a field where people of my academic background probably don’t find themselves joining. I’m wondering if I should have been more assertive with the HR people right from the start. I don’t think I’m well stretched and contributing to a worthy cause.
My job has no connection with the subject I’ve loved since middle school. If I seem passionate about my job, it comes from a sense of responsibility and not love.
Perhaps it’s time to seriously consider moving on.
It’s been close to a year and I still feel an invisible divide between me and my colleagues. They are a great bunch but our conversation topics don’t get much more serious than socially safe small talk. I guess socializing through the mundane is the way things go here.
I read somewhere that those in the academia are only better off cousins of those who make their living through the arts. I started to appreciate this fact in my junior year in college. Our endeavors don’t pay too much and are not well understood by the masses. Both are intellectual pursuits that don’t make any direct impact on “the well-being of society”. But I’d prefer to be an academic figure in the States than in Singapore. Be it in ethnicity, profession, or social background, diversity is part of the greater American landscape. It tends to be appreciated even if it is sometimes only tolerated. Academics are very much respected for what they do. Singapore’s success story is one of trade. We have notable businessmen and politicians, but fairly few in the way of artists and academicians. This phenomena may be strange because education and academic success are generally highly regarded in Asian families. I guess excellence in intellectual fields only go as far as in the schooling years. Maybe it’s just me, but back home here, I don’t feel very proud to say that I did physics, even though I’d thoroughly enjoyed my major. Every time I have to do that, I can just see the “oh are you a teacher?” reply coming. Just a thought.
Looking back, I thought I was interested in V. Now I don’t think so. She fits the bill for every guy’s dream girl — smart, caring, sweet, and soft-spoken. I bet I was quite mistaken about my initial interest because I do get nervous around her. But she’s too safe. And she doesn’t do her part of sharing unless prompted to. I want an independent companion. One who can stand on her own and even travel abroad alone. I don’t enjoy playing the role of an all-round protector because it burdens me. I don’t derive a sense of ego from that. It works for some guys, but not for me.
